Baby Bonding Blog

It was the first week of my parenting class at BYU-Idaho, and Sister Harper told us that Moms who have depression can struggle to be attentive and alert for their newborn babies. When I heard this, tears came to my eyes. I almost couldn't contain them. I was so worried about not being a good mom. I know that many girls share my fear, and I think that many more who actually have babies now are even more fearful because they feel inadequate.

Today, I want to focus on how to combat the struggle of a challenged mom, who is suffering with feelings of inadequacy, and finds it difficult to bond with her baby. I also want to focus on future Mother’s, like all of us in this class, who are excited, but scared to death, because we wonder if we’ll be able to apply the things we’ve learned, and give our babies what they need to have a happy and healthy development.

The research done by Hall, Hoofenkamp, and other renowned Family Therapists has shown me many different avenues to combat the fears of motherhood, by providing resources on how to create secure attachment in the mother child relationship. Their findings have provided me with a sense of security that there are things that can be done to ensure your baby with the best possible chance of a happy life.

Today I will outline for you in bullet points, the benefits of creating a secure bond with your baby, as well as resources which will provide you with direction on how to go about strengthening and fortifying this bond.

Benefits of Bonding with your Baby:
Did you know that...

- New born babies are strongly affected, in a positive way, by the bond they form with their mother's? (Hall et al., 2014)

- Babies who have a strong bond with their mother's develop a solid attachment style within the first year of birth? Solomon (as cited in Hall 2014).

- The connection you feel with your baby is will influence the quality of the care you provide them? Brockington (as cited in Hall 2014).

- The bond you hold with your child will influence the quality of their adult relationships? Faber, (as cited in Cruz 2014).

- The worth and confidence they gain from you will influence their ability to form romantic relationships? Faber, (as cited in Cruz 2014).

- The way your child is treated at home, and how they feel about their relationship with you, will have a huge impact on their later socialization? Faber, (as cited in Cruz 2014)

- Your child’s beliefs about others intentions and trustworthiness will be largely influenced by their relationship with you? Neal, (as cited in Cruz 2014)

- Secure attachment allows for children to be more independent and confident, and create more personal autonomy as adults? Dresner (as cited in Cruz 2014).
And last but not least...

- If your baby boy has had a strong bond with you, it will bb easier for him to form a strong bond with his wife. Tayler (as cited in Cruz 2014).

I don't know about you...but I really want my baby to have a good marriage, happy romantic relationships, a positive view of him/herself and others, and a secure attachment to me. So what are some things we can do to facilitate this bonding, so that we know how to reach our long term attachment goals with our children?
Let's take a look...

Things that can help Increase the Strength of your bond with your Baby:

- A healthy mother, who is able to manage emotional challenges, depression, anxiety, etc. will have greater ability to form a healthy bond with her baby.

- A strong marriage will have a great impact on your baby's mental health, and social abilities (Hall et al.).
-A strong bond with your baby can even go as far as to influence their weight gain, as well as their social skills. DeWitt (as cited in Hall 2014).

- The way we reflect on our childhood can influence how well we treat our baby, Kitamura (as cited in Hall 2014) so it's important to be aware of the way we view our own childhoods.

And Last but not least...

-a determination to love can have a huge impact on the bond you form with your baby.

I have observed one of the most touching examples in my life, of mother baby attachment. My Aunt Kristen is so good with her baby Jane. She is attentive, and in tune with Jane’s emotions, and Jane KNOWS her Mommy loves her. They have the sweetest relationship, and I am confident that Jane will be able to go forward with the exact tools she needs to have a life where she is capable of healthy friendships, happy romantic relationships, and a positive view of herself and others because of the foundation she’s been given through her bond with her mommy.

I know that as we strive to be good mother's, we will be blessed with strength beyond our own capacity to bond with our babies, and help them thrive throughout their lives.

“Sometimes, despite the fact that everyone else feels you have been spectacular, you may feel inadequate and ineffective. Yet the excellent work you do, the kindness you show, and the love you exhibit are blessings beyond measure to those who have the privilege of associating with you. And it is enough.”- Elder Cook

References

Hall, R. r., Hoffernkamp, H., Tooten, A., Breaken, J., Vingerhoets, A., & Bakel, H. (2015). Child-Rearing History and Emotional Bonding in Parents in Parents of Preterm and Full-Term Infants. Journal Of Child & Family Studies, 24 (6), 1715-1726.

Vera Cruz, G. g. (2014). The Effect of Sex Knowledge, Parent-Child Attachment, and Family Characteristics on Intimate Relationship Satisfaction of Mozambican Students. Sexuality & Culture, 18 (1), 1-15.