My Thoughts on Depression: Looking for Root Issues, and not Blaming Ourselves for Petty Mistakes
Today, I feel impressed to write about depression. This isn't a diagnosis for anyone who has these symptoms, or a statement on what depression looks like. It's simply a reflection of what it has looked like for me. :)
Usually, when I experience the feeling of depression, it is manifest by a few different things...
the biggest one, is that the things I usually care for and pride myself on, don't seem to matter to me.
For example, doing my dishes, keeping my room clean, and picking up after myself.
Exercising, eating good food, eating only when I'm hungry, and taking good care of my body.
Being around people, talking to friends, hanging out, calling family members, reaching out, and talking to roommates.
When I experience depression, none of these things matter to me. It's odd. Uncanny. I don't want to do school work, I don't want to see people, I really don't want to do anything.
The closest thing to paradise at this point, is sleep.
But, there's a few problems with this downward spiral...when I stop being clean, I feel more stressed and my environment isn't very peaceful. When I stop taking good care of my body, I feel grouchy and my brain feels fuzzy. When I isolate myself from everyone around me, I feel purposeless. I feel like my life has no point because I am not contributing to anything or anyone.
So why do we experience such severe lows in our lives?
How do we get to the point where death seems like a positive option, and living seems impossible?
And why would a loving God let his precious children experience such dark and lowly feelings?
To be honest, I do not have all of these answers. In fact, I usually avoid this topic like the plague, purely because it confuses me.
I don't ever want to find out if I'm clinically depressed, and then learn that I am, and have it be an excuse or a handicap in my life. So I try to avoid the subject all together.
But what I realized today, is that there are certain things that trigger each of us, and have such a massive effect on our day to day living, that we feel unable to complete even the most basic functions.
For me, this trigger usually stems from relationships. On the mission, if my companion and I struggled, that would bring me pretty low. Also, disagreements with family members can be a huge weight, as well as any other form of relationship complications.
Relationships can trigger depression for me, because I love very deeply, and I have a sort of Utopian mindset, where I feel that all relationships should be beautiful and sweet. I am very much an optimist. And when things go against my desire for complete love, forgiveness, and understanding, it can be pretty hard.
I think sometimes we become frustrated with ourselves because we are not performing our basic functions the way we should. But what we fail to realize is that there is a deeper root issue.
So next time you feel like beating up on yourself for not being as tidy, or focusing on your studies, being more impatient with others than you usually are, or maybe eating a little too much chocolate cake, think to yourself, how's my heart doing? Is there something hurting me that's causing me to feel sad inside, and affecting my performance?
There probably is. Be gentle with yourself. Try to figure it out. And when you resolve this root issue, these other basic functions will naturally come back into line. :)
I add with these thoughts, my testimony of a true and loving God who sometimes, picks us up, dusts us off, and fixes our brokenness, and other times, waits and watches as we suffer through the challenges in our hearts.
Sometimes, he has let me endure. For months on end. Other times, he has let me suffer for only a brief matter of days, and then he has given me a miracle.
In both instances, I learned, so very much. I can see his eternal purposes in WHY he waits to fix us, and why he fixes us right away, and I LOVE HIM for this.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Usually, when I experience the feeling of depression, it is manifest by a few different things...
the biggest one, is that the things I usually care for and pride myself on, don't seem to matter to me.
For example, doing my dishes, keeping my room clean, and picking up after myself.
Exercising, eating good food, eating only when I'm hungry, and taking good care of my body.
Being around people, talking to friends, hanging out, calling family members, reaching out, and talking to roommates.
When I experience depression, none of these things matter to me. It's odd. Uncanny. I don't want to do school work, I don't want to see people, I really don't want to do anything.
The closest thing to paradise at this point, is sleep.
But, there's a few problems with this downward spiral...when I stop being clean, I feel more stressed and my environment isn't very peaceful. When I stop taking good care of my body, I feel grouchy and my brain feels fuzzy. When I isolate myself from everyone around me, I feel purposeless. I feel like my life has no point because I am not contributing to anything or anyone.
How do we get to the point where death seems like a positive option, and living seems impossible?
And why would a loving God let his precious children experience such dark and lowly feelings?
To be honest, I do not have all of these answers. In fact, I usually avoid this topic like the plague, purely because it confuses me.
I don't ever want to find out if I'm clinically depressed, and then learn that I am, and have it be an excuse or a handicap in my life. So I try to avoid the subject all together.
But what I realized today, is that there are certain things that trigger each of us, and have such a massive effect on our day to day living, that we feel unable to complete even the most basic functions.
For me, this trigger usually stems from relationships. On the mission, if my companion and I struggled, that would bring me pretty low. Also, disagreements with family members can be a huge weight, as well as any other form of relationship complications.
Relationships can trigger depression for me, because I love very deeply, and I have a sort of Utopian mindset, where I feel that all relationships should be beautiful and sweet. I am very much an optimist. And when things go against my desire for complete love, forgiveness, and understanding, it can be pretty hard.
I think sometimes we become frustrated with ourselves because we are not performing our basic functions the way we should. But what we fail to realize is that there is a deeper root issue.
So next time you feel like beating up on yourself for not being as tidy, or focusing on your studies, being more impatient with others than you usually are, or maybe eating a little too much chocolate cake, think to yourself, how's my heart doing? Is there something hurting me that's causing me to feel sad inside, and affecting my performance?
There probably is. Be gentle with yourself. Try to figure it out. And when you resolve this root issue, these other basic functions will naturally come back into line. :)
I add with these thoughts, my testimony of a true and loving God who sometimes, picks us up, dusts us off, and fixes our brokenness, and other times, waits and watches as we suffer through the challenges in our hearts.
Sometimes, he has let me endure. For months on end. Other times, he has let me suffer for only a brief matter of days, and then he has given me a miracle.
In both instances, I learned, so very much. I can see his eternal purposes in WHY he waits to fix us, and why he fixes us right away, and I LOVE HIM for this.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
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