Two Pieces of Pizza, and a Whole Bunch of Starbursts

Sometimes, I think that I know what's best,

in fact, I feel that way now.

I feel that I've found the very best, 

and there's no need to look around. 

I wonder why? Why oh God? Why such a sudden change?

I tried to trust you, and follow my choice, but it no longer feels right, and it's so strange. 

I don't know where to turn to, I don't know where to go, it seems that if I make one choice, then I will never know, 

if the other would have been one better, or if it had not, at this moment I feel at such a loss. 

I'm trying to be obedient. I'm trying to learn and grow. I'm trying to distract myself, but I really don't know which way to go.

Could there really be something better? Is there really something more intended for me? I just don't see how such a beautiful family, and a boy with such a sweet heart, a peace making soul, and a gospel centered life, could possible be the wrong way to go. 

Of course we had our struggles, it wasn't perfect at all. But something I have learned in this life is that perfection is in the long hall. It wont come to us now, it wont come to us soon, so oh God, why can't I have this boy who seemed perfect enough?

Maybe it's just a test, maybe I'm not right for him. Maybe you want us to learn apart, maybe he just doesn't want me at all. I'm scared to move on, my soul wont let me, I feel that I'd be trading the best thing for something less. Why oh God, why oh why? Why trade in such a wonderful guy, for more searching and sifting, and weeding through, when I already thought I found what I wanted, and then told you?

I was so hopeful, you see, and know that I do trust you. I do see the bigger picture, and I do understand you know best, but for now I wonder, is this only a test? Can I have him back? Will he he have me? Am I hurting the others whom I try to let in? Do you want me to move? Do you want me to freeze? I just don't know anymore...

But God, this much I do know, I'm okay with being in the dark, I'm okay with trusting you, because I know that you lead your soldiers through the unknown so that they can become their best. 

And God, I thank you so, so, much for giving me this chance to be left in the dark, and totally confused, so that I can grow to become more like you. 

Because I know that no matter what, if I'm more like you than that's the best. And the biggest gift you could give to me, is to help me become more like thee, so thank you God. :) Thank you for this test. 

I'm okay to stay here, tell you let me know this battle goes to rest. I won't become frustrated, or upset, I'll just keep soldering on and doing my best. I'm okay with some struggles, and some battles too, because I understand this is what I came to earth to do. 

So thank you God, thank you for letting me fulfill my purpose, thank you for letting me become like you.